Alternatively, you can tape a crudely crayon-lettered note around a brick, pick a building or vehicle you feel is likely to house us, and let fly.
You can also find an empty, fallow field, and using gasoline, create a giant flaming message with letters ten feet tall in the hopes that we will be in a plane overhead.
Or, after kidnapping the entire cast of Seaworld and intensively training them for weeks, use a complex system of harmonic resonance, whale song, and dolphin-powered amplifiers to try and reach us in our bunker 200 feet below sea level.
There is also the ever-popular option of telling us solely using the power of your mind. We recommend this option unreservedly.
Finally, if all other options have failed, all you need do is tell the person you think is most likely to get a message to us. It is well known that every human on earth is connected to every other human on earth through an average chain-length of six people. The person you tell will then tell the person THEY think is most likely to get a message to us, and it will continue in this fashion until, five or six people in, we will receive your message. If you use this method, we request that you adhere to a "verbal only" format.
